what is constant

In the book I am reading about moving with kids, some families soothe the ache of parting with friends by telling their children that "no matter what, we are always a family, and we are always together." Some even venture to go so far to say that no matter what, you will always have your family with you.

Hmph. I am not so sure.

Especially on days when you bicker, fight and spit bitterly at each other, I wonder if the fact that you are family and that you are always stuck together offers you comfort. To be fair, you also support and care for each other in the most beautiful way, but I' afraid this "family as a constant" proposal may not always sit well with you.

I am just waiting for the day when you hiss, "But I did not get to choose my family!" Ouch.

No, which makes this a mysterious and (sometimes) wonderful thing. By some weird force of nature, we came together as a family. By some coincidence your father and I met and we decided we would torture love each other to the end of our lives, and we decided to have a family, and we had the four of you. We wondered so much about each of you before you were born: how you will look like, how you will act, how you will be. You are each a mysterious gift, and this is what makes us being a family unique and special. Maybe we did not choose it, but that happened and now, well, we are stuck together, for good.

I also thought about how I can provide some sort of a "constant" for you during this chaotic and crazy time of preparing for the big move. I am trying to still bake once a week so we have home-made baked goods and snacks. I am trying to cook when I can, though I have declared that eating frozen meals or take-out is going to become a regular feature. Your father tries to keep up with the bedtime story and I am doing my best to keep up with my share of story-reading (but those times are dwindling, I know, and I apologize sincerely. I miss us reading together too!). I have succumbed to the snappy alligator in me sometimes and I am trying to keep my mood on an even keel. (yoga, breathing, chocolates.)

Not surprisingly it had not been easy trying to be constant, it is a complex equation involving sleep quality, amount of caffeine in my blood stream, how much control I exercise over myself and... discipline. But I am trying and I will keep trying, every time I fall off-track. I appreciate your reminders and your telling me that I had been nasty sometimes. Thank you. You are the constant in my life right now, I love it. Thank you.